


Commotionne

by Gleaming_Spires (cuppaktea)



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: Irwin is a bit of an arsehole, M/M, PTSD, Past Sexual Abuse, by accident, by being Irwin, hopefully not OOC but you tell me, lets be honest here warning for Hector, mentions of underage sexual activity (consentual)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22217623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppaktea/pseuds/Gleaming_Spires
Summary: Dakin has some unpleasant memories visit at the most inconvenient times.
Relationships: Stuart Dakin/Tom Irwin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Commotionne

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I meant this to be fluffy, I really did, and reading it through, I don't think I managed it. It was a good 'ole cathartic writing experience though.
> 
> I didn't really have a timeline in mind when I wrote it but I imagined it being relatively soon after Dakin left Cutlers, but whatever you like, it doesn't make much difference, but Dakin and Irwin are in a kind of fuck buddy stage.

_“Your sucking me off”_

Dakin tips his head up to the ceiling and laughs at his own boldness.

Irwin pulls off him with a slurp that feels as wonderful as it sounds disgusting and clears his throat, an indignant line appearing between his brows

He remembers the first time Irwin had done it for him, if he was of a romantic disposition he would say it was like seeing in colour for the first time. But he has never been that, so he contents himself with reaching down to push Irwin’s head back towards his crotch, thrusting a little so his wet cock bumps against Irwin’s chin.

Irwin is still frowning at him so he makes his eyes large, the picture of innocence.

“Sorry,” He pouts “it wasn’t you”

Irwin isn’t falling for it, though. “Not the response I usually get” There’s a hint of genuine annoyance under the teasing tone

Dakin’s suppressed grin breaks free. “What do you want a standing ovation? Get on with it. Please” He adds as Irwin takes revenge by teasing him with the tip of his tongue.

*****

The bedroom in the afternoon is quiet – too quiet, the stillness giving the room an airless feel. Dakin supposes that it’s partly the heat of the summer.

Sunlight is streaming in through the half-open curtains and makes golden puddles on the floor. He watches tiny dust motes swirling through the beams.

Beside him, Irwin lies silent, dozing on and off.

The end of his cigarette crackles to life, the spark flaring as he inhales. Reaching for the ashtray to tap the ash off it, he overshoots, knocking a glass against it, the noise shattering the stillness.

Irwin jumps and smiles a sheepish apology.

And just like he usually does, Dakin has to go and spoil everything. He doesn’t know what makes him say it. He doesn’t even really care. It’s just that Irwin seems to have this pull of curiosity for him that doesn’t want to let up. Not even now he’s got what he thought he wanted (and more).

The thought is out of his mouth before it’s had time to sit in his brain. “Tell me about your first time”

Irwin stretches languidly against him. “you mean sex?”

“Well I don’t mean riding a bike”

“No”

“Go on, why not?”

“It’s private… “

Dakin stares him out.

“embarrassing” He amends.

“First kiss then” Dakin shrugs.

“Worse”

“I’ll tell you mine. Russian sailor, seven-foot-tall with a nine-inch cock, I was sixteen, he brought me a crate of vodka from Vladivostok as a thank you”

“Fuck off”

Dakin laughs.

Irwin rolls his eyes. “Yeah right, the only man on man action you got in those days was being felt up by Hector”

Just like that it falls on him, a black cloud overhead, blotting out the sun that shines violently through the window.

“Are you alright?” Irwin’s hand hesitantly brushes his sweat sheened back. Dakin hadn’t even noticed he’d sat up.

Irwin props himself up too. “I’m sorry if I said something wrong”

_‘Yeah right,’_ he thinks to himself as he pads to the window. The man who loves to say the wrong thing: sorry – he’ll believe it when he sees it.

The roar of life outside is a welcome intrusion into the stifling bedroom. A girl on the pavement below looks up at the noise of the window’s old hinge and smiles at him. A part of his mind registers that it ought to be sexy, or funny even, girls flirting with him unaware that he’s stark naked. But the thought may as well be someone else’s for all it matters to him.

Ignoring whatever it is Irwin is saying, he lets his legs carry him to the bathroom, seemingly of their own accord. The bolt is drawn across the door with a snap and he can breathe again.

*****

When he gets back to the bedroom after splashing some water on his face, Irwin is fully dressed, waiting perched at the foot of the bed.

Ashamed of himself, Dakin can’t meet his eye, and dreads the inevitable questions. He’ll be fucked if he’s going to explain himself but all the same, he can’t face being asked. Unpleasantly aware of his nakedness, all of a sudden, he pulls his dressing gown around himself and belts it tightly.

Irwin licks his lips, his eyes darting over Dakin’s huddled form.

Dakin wants to crawl out of his skin. He is about to tell Irwin to get out when he finally speaks.

“Lucy Fisher”

Dakin pauses with his mouth open to speak, and it doesn’t seem to want to close again.

“My first kiss” Irwin shuffles up to make room beside him and pats the bed, carefully avoiding eye contact. “I was eleven, she was twelve. We were Mary and Joseph in the St Winifred’s First School nativity play. It was on stage”

“And the second?” Dakin asks, perching beside him.

“Also Lucy Fisher. After the play, we were something of an item.” He smirks “Held hands twice, kissed with tongues once. She was the only girl who ever made me think I might be straight. It was a dizzying week”

Dakin feels a smile tugging at his lips. “Oh. What happened?”

“She dumped me for Marcus Shaw in class 8B. The next week I heard he had fingered her in the disabled toilet. I was equal parts heartbroken and relieved. I hadn’t realised fingering was part of the contract”

Dakin laughs, he can’t help himself: an explosive, unexpected laugh, spat across the room.

“She was rather more advanced than me. I was still more interested in Meccano. I cried for days; until I heard they got suspended when the teacher found out” He chuckles.

“Didn’t you know you were, y’know?”

“I was…” Irwin raises his eyebrows “what? Bent?” He asks, bitterness creeping unbidden into his voice.

“I was going to say ‘different’ but if you prefer ‘bent’ then far be it from me to label you”

Irwin snorts a sheepish laugh.

“Sorry,” He says, looking at his hands in his lap. “I did know – suspected anyway. I _hoped._ Hoped that it meant that the phase was over, that I was finally normal. Looking back I think that was the source of most of the heartbreak.”

“Ooh, well done Sigmund Freud.” Dakin examines his nails.

Slowly, as if he’s petting a stray cat, Irwin reaches out and lays a hand on his knee.

He appreciates the tenderness of it, even as the gestures stirs up memories like silt.

“I was his favourite, you know”

“I didn’t realise. You used to laugh about it.”

“I did - It was funny when it was happening twice a week or more. But now I can’t believe –" He stops, willing his throat to stop tightening, biting back against the wave of rage and _sadness_ “It just isn’t funny anymore” He mutters

Irwin shrugs. “A coping mechanism, it’s common enough,” He says like he's providing some objective fucking feedback.

“No seriously, where did you earn your psychology diploma, University of the Bleeding Obvious?” Dakin snaps, giving way to the anger for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Irwin says softly, withdrawing his hand. “You’re right, it wasn’t funny and I shouldn’t have laughed at it”

“It doesn’t matter, I’d rather just forget about it”

They sit in silence side by side for a long moment.

“I should go”

Dakin wonders if he’s been counting down the exact number of seconds for a swift exit to become acceptable. He wouldn’t put it past him.

“You don’t need to” He shakes his head, all of the anger leaving him in a rush and leaving him drained.

“I think I do” Irwin rises to his feet

“Stay, please”

Reaching out he twines their fingers loosely.

“Tom. stay”

His face softening at the sound of his name on Dakin’s lips, Irwin nods and they undress each other and climb back between the still-warm sheets.


End file.
